Guest post

Guest post: exploring your queer identity as a bisexual person

I first encountered biphobia before I was even out to myself and a woman at a gay bar in Montreal asked my sexual orientation. When I said I wasn’t sure, she scoffed and said women who “weren’t sure” always defaulted back to men. (Ma’am, who hurt you?) It bothered me at the time, but I didn’t know why.

Now I’m proudly bisexual. I’m also in a relationship with a cisgender man, and there’s been no revelation that I was straight all along. In fact, it’s made the need to connect to my queerness stronger–not to compensate or prove something, but to nurture parts of myself that are vital to who I am, regardless of my partner.

When I asked other friends in “straight-passing” relationships, they said the same thing. They want to express and explore their queer identity, but aren’t sure how. It can be a challenge for any 2SLGBTQ+ person, but especially for those who feel excluded by others in the queer community or erased by the world at large. So how can you engage with and cultivate your queerness? With some exploration, I’ve found ways to embrace, as bell hooks put it, “the self that is at odds with everything around it.”

Engage with queer art. 

Nurture yourself with 2SLGBTQ+ culture. Read works written by queer folks about queer folks (fan fiction counts). Watch movies or shows where 2SLGBTQ+ people are realized characters who aren’t killed off for the drama. Listen to queer music artists. Hang queer art on your walls. You might even be inspired to create for yourself!


Learn about queer history.

Queer history is your history! Deepen your connection to yourself by reading up on 2SLGBTQ+ events and people from the past. Understanding queer history in Canada and globally can help you appreciate how far we’ve come—and understand where we need to go.

Volunteer for a cause.

If you have the privilege of time and energy, putting it to use helping an 2SLGBTQ+ cause is a worthy and warming use of it. There are lots of non-profits focused on a variety of queer causes, so find one that speaks to you and put yourself out there. 


Find personalized community spaces.

My boyfriend, best friend, and I play video games together. One game we like allows you to add a Pride flag charm to your character’s outfit. When you see other players wearing the Pride charm, it’s customary to do a little dance by crouching to acknowledge each other. The tiny spark I feel as I tap the CTRL key—I see you!—is weird and special.

Participating in queer spaces can be affirming and validating when you find ones that suit you. Luckily, the recent Zoom boom (sorry), means events are becoming more accessible for all. Organizations like Spectrum have support groups online and off, and also host seminars and social events. So get out there and find your own video game Pride charm crouch dance!

Riley Wignall is a writer and a total nerd from Waterloo, currently being queer as h*ck in Hamilton, Ontario.

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Awareness, Fundraising

Why more Canadians are leaving a gift to charity in their Wills

We are lucky. Supporters of SPECTRUM are thoughtful individuals, who share a concern for 2SLGBTQ+ well-being and are committed to building a better future.

Often people think about contributing to the causes they care about with monthly donations or volunteering time, but there is a growing number of people who are going one step further to leave a gift to charity in their Wills. These are ordinary Canadians who’ve realized they can make a powerful contribution that will last for generations to come, without taking away from the resources they or their families need.

This new mindset among Canadians of all ages has been triggered, to some extent, by the intensity of recent global events and the realization that it’s possible to do more just by giving in a different way.

In fact, if more Canadians left even a minuscule percentage of their estate to charity, the sum of all their efforts could represent as much as $40 billion to advance causes like 2SLGBTQ+ rights and well-being.

When you look into it, you may be surprised to learn that a donation of as little as a 1% of your estate can result in a bigger contribution than you ever thought possible. You are still leaving 99% of your estate to support your loved ones, and you’re not using any of the money you need now.

The best part is that leaving a gift in your Will can be a very simple process. Here are a few suggestions that can help you take the next steps:

  1. Calculate your donation. You can determine how much you want to leave to charity, and how much you want your loved ones to receive, with a simple calculation. You can make that calculation using the Legacy Calculator tool developed by Will Power, a national public education campaign designed to inspire Canadians to think differently about charitable giving.
  2. Discover the tax benefits. Did you know the Canadian government has created some of the best tax incentives in the world to encourage more giving to charity, especially from your estate? Just to cite an example, this article illustrates how a couple’s financial advisor helped them give big to charity and take advantage of the tax benefits, all while leaving a sizeable inheritance for their daughters.
  3. Ask a financial advisor. Consulting a financial expert can help you maximize your donation and ensure it works in your favour. You can use Will Power’s Financial Advisor Finder to match with an expert in your region. There is also a handy guide available to start the conversation with your advisor here.
  4. Find out how to keep the love going. Learn how a gift in your Will to SPECTRUM would be used to advance 2SLGBTQ+ well-being here. Or you can contact us to find out more.

Who would have thought of a Will as a powerful tool to make change in the world? But more and more Canadians are harnessing the power of their Wills to become larger-than-life philanthropists who continue to inspire others and make an impact on the future. Join the movement and keep the love going for what matters to you!

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SPECTRUM News

Seeking volunteers to be interviewed for a video about lived 2SLGBTQ+ experiences

SPECTRUM is working to become a safer and more relevant space for Black, Indigenous, and racialized 2SLGBTQ+ people. One of the projects we are working on is creating a series of short educational videos that explore the intersections of 2SLGBTQ+ and Black, Indigenous, and racialized people. 

We are seeking approximately 12 volunteers who are willing to be interviewed on video to share their lived experience as Black, Indigenous, and racialized 2SLGBTQ+ people. The interviews will be wide-ranging and topics may include Two-Spirit and Indigiqueer identities, anti-racism, white supremacy, colonization, history, coming out, intersectionality, homo/bi/transphobia, and more. Here is an example of a previous video we created about race and intersectionality.

The content will be used for a variety of purposes including use in our Rainbow Diversity Training sessions, and for sharing on social media and our website. We hope that it will be shared outside our community as well and that other organizations and individuals will use these videos to learn and improve.

  • Each interview will take approximately 60-90 minutes.
  • Interviewees will need to sign a waiver giving SPECTRUM permission to use the video content.
  • Interviewees need to be aged 18+.
  • Interviewees need to be residents (or former residents) of Waterloo Region (Kitchener, Waterloo, Cambridge and the townships).
  • Interviewees will receive an honorarium of $100 as thanks for their participation.
  • Filming will take place at Skylight Productions 900 Guelph St Suite 306, Kitchener, ON N2H 5Z6
  • Filming will take place in the afternoons/evenings of October 13th, and 14th, and during the day on Saturday October 15th. You will need to be available on one of those dates.

If you are interested in participating please connect with us at info@ourspectrum.com and provide the following:

  1. Name and pronouns
  2. Your age
  3. Film yourself reading the paragraph below 
  4. Attach the video to your email or provide a link where we can download the video from a Dropbox, Google Drive, or similar

Script for Submission Video

SPECTRUM is Waterloo Region’s Rainbow Community Space. Their vision is of an inclusive community where all 2SLGBTQ+ individuals are welcomed, celebrated, and supported as their authentic selves. Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Her ongoing mission, to explore strange new worlds, seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.

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Awareness

Canada’s first Federal 2SLGBTQI+ Action Plan

SPECTRUM was very pleased to see the release of Canada’s first Federal 2SLGBTQI+ Action Plan on August 28, 2022. This plan represents a good step in the right direction and begins to articulate the very large amounts of work that need to be done to advance rights and equality of 2SLGBTQI+ in this country.

The Plan and its six priority areas make it clear that this work will need to be done – as it always has been – by 2SLGBTQI+ organizations and community members, and our allies. It represents a commitment from the federal government to support us in this work and we will need to use it to hold the government accountable for the promises it makes.

The need for this Plan can clearly be seen when one reads a sampling of the comments on news articles and social media posts about its announcement. 2SLGBTQI+ people are under constant attack in communities across the country and the resources promised by this plan are crucial to working towards an end to queerphobia. We hope that every province and territory will follow this example and create action plans that are tailored to support 2SLGBTQI+ in their jurisdictions.

We are grateful to the countless activists who have sacrificed and worked to advance 2SLGBTQI+ rights to this stage, and especially to those who have not historically been recognized including Black, Indigenous, and racialized trans and non-binary people. Thank you for the collective advocacy of the Enchanté Network and to all those who are working to build a more inclusive and equitable future. We look forward to continuing our work towards our vision of an inclusive community where all 2SLGBTQI+ individuals are welcomed, celebrated, and supported as their authentic selves.

Read more and find the Plan here.

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Events, SPECTRUM News

PRIDEtoberfest 2022

SPECTRUM is pleased to be partnering with tri-Pride to bring you PRIDEtoberfest on October 8, 2022!

Get your tickets here

Breweries and Beer aren’t the only things we celebrate in October!! We celebrate our pride this October, and what better way to do so than with night of extraordinary talent and amazing music!!! We’ve pulled out all the stops this fall with some amazing Drag Performers and a DJ of epic proportions!!!

With Headliners:

  • Icesis Couture, The Winner of Canada’s Drag Race Season 2!
  • Jaida Essence Hall, The Winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 12 and From All Stars 7!
  • Jorgeous, From RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 14!

With our local performers:

Karma Kameleon, Charlize Angel, Annetique Doll, MissConduct, UltraViolet, Elixxirr, Chimaera, Ella Mint, Kamilla Kameleon, Diana Dolce, Molly Kewl, Brattery Acid, George Swooney, Flex, and Phoenix Black!!!

Get your tickets now before they’re all gone and dance the night away with amazing music and STUNNING DRAG PERFORMERS!!

This is a 19+ event at THEMUSEUM in Kitchener, from 8pm-1am. Drag show from 9pm-11pm, dance from 11pm-1am.

Tickets include entry to the festival and a pretzel provided by Harvest Grain.

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Events, SPECTRUM News

Celebrating Ten Years

SPECTRUM first opened our doors on August 7, 2012 at our initial location of 42 Erb St E. in Waterloo. We are celebrating ten years of working to provide a safe space for 2SLGBTQ+ people in Waterloo Region!

You can view a wonderful timeline of some of the key events in our history at the Grand River Rainbow Historical Project site. This has been compiled by our former executive director, James Parrott, and we look forward to continuing to add to it for many years to come. 

One of the projects we are working on to celebrate this anniversary is a community cookbook. We invite you to share your favourite recipes with us for a cookbook that will be published (we hope) by the end of this year. If you’d like to share a recipe please send it to our board member, Olivia Yu at oy-director@ourspectrum.com. If you have a picture of the prepared recipe please include that as well. If you’d like to write a few words about why the recipe means something to you or your family that would be great!

Save the date for our next annual general meeting on September 27th at 7pm. We look forward to sharing some detailed updates about the various programs and projects we’re working on.


Be sure to check out our online store where you can purchase limited edition t-shirts and tote bags that feature Trisha Abe’s beautiful mural artwork.

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Guest post

Guest Post: Shedding the Cocoon of Shame, A Pandemic Self-Discovery

This guest post was written by A. Wray.

Pre-pandemic, I worked in a toxic work environment. Every day I left overwhelmed by the weight of the feelings of the people around me and ready to crawl into bed. I don’t recall where or how I learned to be responsible for other people’s feelings, but at some point it became embedded in me just like the idea that girls should be feminine. It’s the way I’ve been conditioned. 

Once I rebelliously wore my Blundstones to work (it was rebellious not because Blundstones aren’t professional but because they aren’t feminine). Wearing them to work felt bold until a coworker commented that her husband had the same pair. I became consumed by shame for not being more feminine, like her, my muscles constricting and shoulders creeping towards my ears. When I had worn make-up or dresses my coworkers gushed over how nice I looked, congratulating me for fitting the part prescribed by society. Now, they looked at me, puzzled.

Truthfully, I will never be feminine like my coworker, and I question if I ever really wanted to be. I was following the script I was given. But despite reviewing my lines frequently, I couldn’t get them right. I have been described as ‘fake’ on several occasions, but admittedly I was fake; I was faking being a woman. It was convincing enough to fool even myself. Inside I felt ugly, stuck behind a mask of femininity used for protection from threats, exclusion, and from myself. I had wrapped myself in a cocoon of shame named internalized transphobia. 

Working from home offered a break from the performance of gender with less pressure to be nice, calm, and collected. I exhaled deeper. I collected the energy I saved from not having to brace for the next rant debating the existence of trans folks. I re-invested that energy towards connecting with my nervous system, shining a light on the cocoon’s presence. Instead of being immobilized by its heaviness, I was able to shift ever so slightly. I began to release the toxic energy I had absorbed and increased my capacity to fight for my existence. 

Over time, the cocoon became less constricting. I shed a particularly stubborn layer while delivering a presentation on how to support trans folks. It was my chance to speak up, not only for others, but for myself. As I shared, I felt a warm tingly sensation spread throughout my body that lingered long after – the feeling of allowing myself to accept that I could be non-binary. An opening in the cocoon emerged and escape from the shame of not fitting into the gender binary seemed possible. I could set myself free. 

All along I thought it was my co-workers and the toxic work environment that prevented me from discovering the real me. Instead it was the part of me that was weighed down by internalized transphobia that I needed to escape. Like with most gender discoveries, I changed my hair, my pronouns, but most importantly, how I carried myself. I replaced shame with self-appreciation; toxicity with healing. I swapped out the inauthentic performance of femininity for the real, non-binary me. 

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Guest post

Guest Post: Living With Grief – A Gay Perspective

By Glenn Jamieson

As an older gay male, I was living a charmed life, was completely content, and woke up every day looking forward to whatever the day would bring.  I was in a long term (almost 40 years) relationship with my best friend and soulmate, and while we weren’t openly gay, most people who knew us knew we were partners.  We didn’t have a lot of gay friends, mostly acquaintances, but we were happy with the life we had created for ourselves.

That life came crashing down in July of 2018 when my partner suffered a heart attack and passed away.

Since that time I have learned more about grief than I’d ever thought possible.  Over the years I’d lost aunts, uncles, grandparents, a parent, and coworkers, and while each was a terrible loss in it’s own right, I never really thought about what losing a life partner would be like.

Typically, I would attend the viewing, sometimes the funeral, and would offer up my condolences and support.  Over the next few days I would think about the deceased and feel some sadness, but after about a week or so, depending on who it was, my life would continue on as it had previously.

What I never really thought about, nor could I have truly comprehended, was that for the surviving partner their life would never again be as it was.  From that day forward, from the start of their day to the end of their day, every day, they are constantly reminded of who isn’t there anymore.  There isn’t a day that goes by, and it’s almost four years now, that I don’t think of him.  

There are times that I wish someone who’d been through a loss like mine would have warned me, or prepared me, for what it would be like.  But I know that even if someone had, I still wouldn’t have been able to grasp the enormity of it.

I joined a local grief group, and while it was a help, I was the only gay person and there were aspects of our lives that I didn’t, or couldn’t, share with a group of heterosexual people who would have no idea of what growing up gay was like in the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s and beyond.  My partner and I met at a time when gays were still reviled by mainstream society; we lived in the closet, and a few years later AIDS had started popping up in cities around the world.  I think those circumstances made us value each other and our relationship more strongly, and in the end, because we were all that each other had, made the loss that much more intense.

I ended leaving the group after a couple of weeks and faced the loss on my own, reading books on grief, and a year later finding a gay grief group on Facebook.  It was comforting to have found others who were experiencing the same type of loss I’d had, but unfortunately, none of them lived locally, and then with COVID, meeting others would not have been possible anyway.  In grief, as in so many other situations, it’s beneficial to be able to sit down with likeminded individuals who are going through the same experiences as you are.

I’ve found that grief doesn’t end in six months, a year, two years, or four.  The pain of the loss isn’t as intense as it was, but the loss is never ending.  I can have great days, but at the end of the day there’s a sadness that’s ever present.   I’ve spoken with others who have been widowed 10 years and more, and they’re still missing their soulmates.  They don’t share much about it with non widows/widowers, but we can talk to each other, and we understand.

I guess my intent with this post is to make people aware of how fragile life is, and to let everyone know that gay people, still, in some cases, are not treated equally, not just in life, but also in death.

If you’re currently in a committed relationship, sit down with your significant other and tell them how much you love them, and how much they mean to you.  Tell each other what you would wish for them moving forward if anything should happen to either of you.

Make sure you’ve got a will and a power of attorney for healthcare,  and for finances, for each other.  Make sure you’ve named each other as beneficiaries to your pension plans, and whether married or not, have legal papers drawn up showing you consider each other life partners.  Don’t wait to do this, do it now!

There are some in the gay grief group who have not only lost their partners, but have been left with nothing because they didn’t have the proper legal protections drawn up, and the family of the deceased has come in and taken everything, including in some cases, their home.  Love means protecting each other, and that includes in death.

One other thing I would recommend is to take pictures – lots and lots of pictures -and videos.  They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but a video is priceless!  With a video you get their essence and their voice.  A lot of widows/widowers miss hearing their loved ones voices and will save messages from their answering machines just so they can hear still hear them.  Once we’re on our own all we are left with are the pictures, the videos, and the memories.

Life is shorter than one may think, and can change in a flash.  Value those you love above all else, because in the end, they’re all that matters in this life.

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Guest post

Guest post: the elusive queer bar

When I worked in renovations (I know, I know, a lesbian in Carhartt) there was a bar where trades people met after work. We would discuss the day’s problems over a cold pint, rant about customers, and make connections within the industry. It helped relieve the stress of a hard day, and garnered a sense of comradery. As a 40-year-old, single, non-binary lesbian, meeting other queers in the tri-city area has proved to be a kind of queer quest of the Holy Grail: awkward, elusive, and futile. I feel a similar need for a space to exist with like-minded folks – a gay bar to call our own.

I’m imagining a place where we can freely discuss the topics affecting the LGBTQQIP2SAA community without always having to tip-toe or explain, which can happen in mainly straight spaces. A spot where queer haircuts are the norm and suspenders glisten, where everybody knows your pronouns (or politely ask if they don’t), and Sam the pansexual bartender is a retired women’s softball pitcher who flirts with genders across the spectrum. No womanizing here, folks! Sober peeps welcome! (Sam can make a great mocktail).

Of course, the queer world isn’t always a perfect utopia, and violence, misogyny, trans-hate, and bad drunks can be found under the rainbow, too – but, having spaces to connect with other queers can provide a safety net and help alleviate the stress that individuals experience. The baby gays, late-to-lesbians, and “queeretirees” (yes, I just coined that) need somewhere to have that first date, or the one they’ve been waiting for their whole lives.

I remember going to my first lesbian dance party in Toronto years ago, and dancing with a girl for the first time. She kissed me as I twirled her around the crowded bar, and we were safe to be ourselves. While I crave that kind of experience again, I also just want a place to grab a bite with friends, or somewhere to play trivia at. A place for the local drag queens and kings to showcase their talent, for the next generation of Tegan and Sara’s to play, or for local showings of Drag Race instead of having to drive to Toronto to find some semblance of queer fun and community.

And while I’d be happy with a gay bar in Kitchener, there’s an even greater need for lesbian bars at the moment. They tend to be more inclusive, especially for trans and non-binary folx, whereas “gay bars” cater mainly to cisgender gay men, and can be intimidating to other queer sexualities and identities. There are currently no lesbian bars in Canada, and only 21 in the States compared to around 200 in the 80s. This is not a COVID-19 problem. Head over to the big smoke and you can find Crews and Tangos, Woody’s, and a number of other male-centric establishments. The nearest lesbian bar is the Cubbyhole in New York City. I don’t want to have to dig out my passport every time I want to hang out with my people.

This guest post was written by Emily Gleeson.

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Awareness, SPECTRUM News

Queer Vote Ontario Candidate Questionnaires

This spring, SPECTRUM and the Rainbow Coalition of Waterloo Region joined a number of 2SLGBTQI+ and allied organizations to launch the non-partisan Queer Vote Ontario initiative to get 2SLGBTQI+ issues on the Ontario election agenda. 

Featuring a call to action on three policy priorities, including the development of a provincial 2SLGBTQI+ action plan, funding for 2SLGBTQIA+ community and social services, and action on gender affirming healthcare coverage, Queer Vote Ontario is committed to putting 2SLGBTQI+ issues on the election agenda.

The Queer Vote Ontario initiative also includes a survey for local candidates, a questionnaire for all provincial parties, a pledge to vote for queer residents, and a letter-writing campaign. Visit queervote.ca for all the details.

We sent our questionnaires to all of the candidates in the five Waterloo Region ridings and asked them to complete them to help give 2SLGBTQ+ voters a sense of the candidates’ priorities. Below, are the responses from the candidates who completed the questionnaires and who, when we followed up to confirm their answers, granted permission for them to be shared:

Shefaza Esmail, Green, Waterloo

Carla Johnson, Green Cambridge

Karen Meissner, NDP, Kitchener-Conestoga

Surekha Shenoy, Liberal, Cambridge

David Weber, Green, Kitchener South-Hespeler

Joanne Weston, NDP, Kitchener South-Hespeler

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